ARCHIVE: Okay, this is just @#*&$

By Scratch Sep 3 2009 -

Yesterday and today, a big spot covering each shoulder blade, with lines running up my neck, and down to meet at the kundalini (small of my back) have been itching terribly. I want to flop on a sand flat and start pushing with my feet, it's so bad. But when I scratch my shoulder blades, something makes me recoil. It doesn't hurt, but kind of sends a jolt through, and just feels gross. That's where the itching seems to be radiating from, and I hope I was mistaken but something felt like it moved the last time I scratched the left one.

If the cosmos have been talking to me lately, it's to say "believe it already!" with a megaphone. I feel like part of me has lived in a war zone this past week, because all my sheltering doubts are getting blasted away. I actually told someone very dear to me the gist of what I'm being told I am, and he is. While he didn't confirm it, he didn't deny it, and didn't act in the slightest like I was crazy. One of the most understanding, compassionate, and open-minded people I've ever met, but someone once did something kind of like that to me (he and I, independently before that talk, identified him as Micha'el), and I didn't want to speak to him after that.

Now, it somehow feels as if there's tunnels in those gross spots in the middle of my shoulder blades. I don't know how else to describe it.


By Eshtar Sep 3 2009 -

Before you rule it as Metaphysical and non human, Maybe you should see a doctor first? It could be parasites or some other problem that could get serious. I would rule out those first before anything. As scared as i'd be. I hate it when humans start "checking" me.


By Scratch Sep 3 2009 -

I almost put "wish I had health insurance" as the topic description. You're right.


By Scratch Sep 3 2009 -

It could also be psychosomatic, since there's nothing visually wrong with my back. Since that tunnel thing started, the itching feeling changed.


By Azaz'el Sep 3 2009 -

Well, just to sit on the fence and be a right pain in the arse (as is my job!!! Ah, don;t you wish you were me!! tongue.gif )..... it could have a physical cause, but also could just as easily be a physical manifestation of the awakening process you're going through right now.

I have to say that the process is very different for me......... I am having doubts upon doubts heaped upon me, yet the only answer and cetainty that is always there is "yeah, its real, get over it."

Just one silly question......... this Micha'el ........ are you talking about THE Micha'el.... badass SOAB who knocked about with Gabri'el and the others, or a different Micha'el?

Enquiring minds need to know.

Az


By Scratch Sep 4 2009 -

The itching has stopped, and there's still no visual difference. I just woke up again - my sleep "patterns" have been completely screwed up the past week or two as well. Glad I had today off. Shortly after writing last, I did one of those "just curl up for 5 or 10 minutes," and during the several hours I wound up dozing, watched a set of wings build itself bone by bone in my mind. There's a solid feeling back there now, like I imagine phantom limbs would seem. I kept rolling away from the backrest of the futon, because I felt too squashed the way I usually nap on it.

Az, my gut says yes. I mentioned it in one or both the threads about him a few months ago (blue eyes with gold rings around the pupil - he called them his halo). Hadn't thought of him at all for years, but what happened there actually makes sense now.

I met him about 3 years into my awakening (2004ish); he was the first person to talk about angels. Guy believed God had charged him with determining whether Creation is worth saving, and said his final decision would be largely based on me, but didn't say why when I asked. We were in a very brief romantic fling at the time, and he'd taken me out to dinner to tell me this.

I was drawn to him despite being kind of repulsed, for reasons I couldn't figure, but which quickly cancelled the attraction. The more time we spent together, the more this weird new thing feeding me crazy notions would feed me REALLY crazy notions. I didn't understand why that part of my brain kept calling him Micha'el (his name was Frank), especially since at the time I didn't know about the 'el suffix, so I thought I was saying it wrong!

That night was one of the most intense conversations of my life; soon as he told me he was Micha'el (I hadn't said anything about it), every nerve was on edge. I was getting images in my head of vast fields of cloud as he talked, and winged soldiers with bright swords and spears, seeming to lounge about while poised to attack. By the end of it, I felt in danger, and gradually cut off contact with him over the next week or so. For reasons I didn't understand, but respected, I did not want to make him angry with me at all. There had been an increasing feeling of his trying to possess me, in any way that would keep me around permanently. After he said I was a major part of what he'd base his decision on, I experienced a leaving guilt that maybe I'd fucked the world by doing that, and concluded that that's part of how he was trying to trap me. I basically wrote him off as a whackjob with the weirdest inferiority complex I'd ever heard of. Now, it makes a whole lot of sense.

Physically, he was about 5'10", very stocky and muscular, and blue-eyed Italian looking with black curly hair. And now you know everything I can remember.


By Ouza Sep 4 2009 -

Micha'el is an opportunist but he hasn't set foot nor wing here for quite sometime now. I would say this one was and is a con artist!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a controversial statement. All these aches and pains and sorrows plus ups and downs we are going through are all a part of the plan and process of reawakening. We are being made... attuned so to speak!

No you're not going nuts and yes at least talking for myself am going through the same things. The ride is going to get bumpy... get your emergency packet of chocolate out... we're in it come Hel or Highwater!

I could go, into further details but why sink the boat while we're still staying afloat!

Ouza

We asked for it... and low and behold... here it is !!!
Love, Light and Life...


By Azaz'el Sep 5 2009 -

I have to agree that the many different aspects of what a lot of us are facing now is just one more step int he process of sloughing off old dead skin .... ideas, theories, ways of thinking and behaving etc etc, and is just part of the awakening process. I know the obvious question is "how many more must we face?" The answer is as many as it takes or the Universe deems fit.

We grow, we learn, we develop...... we are ready.

As for Micha'el, I have to disagree. He has been around, and around very recently in some places, at least from the information I have. The 'powers' did lose track of him for a short period of time, but as far as I am aware, his current location is known if not accessible.

Az


By Razi'el Sep 6 2009 -

i know there's a lot of weird things going on, i'm finding old knowledge of energy work and everything resurfacing seamlessly, merging with what i already know. i can feel everything a lot more clearly now too, and it doesn't take much to sense things, unlike i used to.

as for micha'el, if he's shown up, then it can't be as a cheering section. if he's here, then the situation has gotten to the point where he's deemed necessary (stating the obvious there). maybe this is just me being the worrier here, but maybe it's time we start thinking of what to do when and if something happens.

peace,
Raz


By Ouza Sep 6 2009 -

We'll effectively take care of that .... when the time is just right !!!

Until then... continue on with your rediscovering of self and as to just who and what you truly are and why that will always mean so very very much to us all right here and now!

Love, Light and Life...

Ouza

"We are not alone!"


By Azaz'el Sep 6 2009 -

Micha'el became what he was, what he is, because of his ability to be the almost perfect warrior. Unlike many, he managed to do his job without having to worry about complicated things such as thinking, or pondering on the meaning of life and the way the guidance from the Source was interpretted. He is a very simple creature ..... which makes him deadly.

I think its clear to many just who and what he wants. So it is only going to be a matter of time before those who are 'watching his back' will turn away for a moment and he'll slip his leash and be off. As for what can stop him, well, its always been the case that it can only be someone or something who is stronger than him. There aren't many Fallen who are or were higher in rank than he is. So the best bet is to back away if he shows up or you feel he is near, and then post a warning here on the forum. That way we can know and send in the rear guard to detain him until negotiations take place with his superiors.

If they are willing to bargain!!! LOL

Az


By Scratch Sep 6 2009 -

It may be clear to many who and what he wants, but for those of us (like me) still confused, can you be a little more specific?


By Azaz'el Sep 6 2009 -

Hey, I'm sorry, I often ramble on and forget that not everyone can read my mind!!!

Micha'el was with those who originally didn't think that Shadow and Humanity should be together and join for ascention. So he wants to prevent unification still ... and the best way to do this is to stop those Shadow trying to bring it about.

Az


By Ellysium Oct 3 2009 -

Why would Micha'el and others not want unification? I was under the impression that God/Source/whatever would want unification on one level or another... but that may just be due to my spiritual upbringing..


By Ouza Oct 3 2009 -

QUOTE
"but that may just be due to my spiritual upbringing.."


We all are product of that.... love but what truly was and what truly is, is the pressing question. Can we in fact improve upon and complete the original unification principle set forth for us all?

Oz


By Azaz'el Oct 3 2009 -

The simple answer is... generally.... politics.

When a message or piece of information is given to be passed on to many, if the person given the message doesn't like it, then it is possible to 'change' or tweak that message. Unification of all Races is something I know in my heart is wanted by the Source. But those who have much to lose by all Races being equal don't really want this.

Don't get me wrong, the majority of Shadow were true to the Source .... but the minority spread misinformation and so this whole sorry state began. Micha'el was very loyal. But he was fed the wrong information, just like the majority of our kind. And he refused to listen when we tried to get them to understand.

Az


By Ellysium Oct 3 2009 -

*sigh* Oh politics... messing everything up. And apparently not just in the human world


By Scratch Oct 4 2009 -

That's messed up. Why didn't/doesn't God set the record straight, if it's all just misinformation? There's no direct lines of communication from Commander in Chief to the Major General?! Sorry, but that doesn't make sense at all. Even the Tree of Knowledge wasn't as obvious a setup as that sounds.


By Ouza Oct 4 2009 -

Scratch,

Your zippers down !!! Only when the time, is right will you truly understand this one!
And that is... a promise !!!

Oz


By Dreamsend Oct 4 2009 -

Well... I know that in this realm, it's not usually as easy as "Why doesn't such-and-such just set the record straight?" if there is a faction definitely opposed to having the agenda that would be supported by the truth seen through. I imagine it could be in other realms as well.

Also, in my experience of Source, it isn't really a "Do things my way or else" force. The way I sense it is.... ......*thinking* well, the feeling that it gives me, of what I "should" and "shouldn't" do is kind of like the feeling you would have if there was a child that was very small, helpless and hungry that came to you with wide eyes and asked for a piece of your sandwich or a few chips from your bag. You would most likely feel (as humans are biologically wired to =) that it is your imperative to help the child at least a little. It would just feel "right" somehow. And that's kind of how the Source feels to me... like a force that just projects what is "right" and is very loving and all-encompassing, but has no direct say or even "care" to whether or not you do what it says. If you kick the child instead of giving her some of your chips, she will cry, but there's nothing that she will do to you... It's not the will of the Source, I don't think, to dictate really to anyone. Everything and everyone is it. Everything that is done, good or bad, is done to it, so, to it, everything is "good" on a certain level. It doesn't really influence that way, other than to say silently, "This is the way that you should go or be or do."


I can believe that a sort of "politics" could divide the Shadow. What I wonder is who/what fed the misinformation to Micha'el to begin with (unless they would like to answer themselves)?... I don't know much about the Shadow or Fallen, save what I get in snippets without meaning to, while listening to the ether.


By Azaz'el Oct 4 2009 -

I think the interpretation you have given there Dreamsend is very good. It's very easy to think of the Source in terms of the Christian tradition of God or even in the Pagan terms of the Gods. But the Source isn't a Being watching us all and ready to put the record straight. The Source is the creative essence and force.... but as with all Races, it is down to us to interpret the message and guidance. As the 'first' race, the Shadow had a greater understanding of the Source... but their interpretation was wrong. Millennia upon Millennia of tradition and guidance said that life existed one way..... then I and my fellow Fallen came along and questioned that and proved the concepts that our entire society was built upon was flawed... Humanity could be ascended and they were a key in Ascention for all Races. Only then was it seen that some already knew of this because they had already ascended some humans, Enoch being one of them.

It can be a difficult concept to get your head around, but to question such a core concept, something that was accepted by all, was radical and seen to be absurd. It would be similar to be announcing to the world now that we do not need to breathe air to live.... it would seem ridiculous.

Micha'el was ultimately only doing his job... as was Rapha'el, Uri'el, Gabri'el etc etc etc .... the difference being that whilst the others thought and pondered, Raph having the most doubts, Micha'el refused to even consider and actively sought those who questioned and 'removed' them. Micha'el was a fine commander, and the perfect soldier... he followed orders and inspired those under his command. But he was also flawed by greedy, anger, arrogance and the need for power.

As for it why the Source would not gradually and eventually prevent this.... well, to be honest, all the signs are that this was meant to happen, needed to happen. And that is just as controversial as my original statement that Humans held our salvation.

Az


By Scratch Oct 4 2009 -

You're absolutely right, Dreamsend. I was falling into Christian views there: the power is cumulative, and detailed instructions seem to have stopped with the Old Testament.

Az, sorry I reacted so strongly. Usually what you say sounds spot on to me, so it was shocking to read something that didn't compute. It's easy to forget how much time and change has elapsed, sometimes. Another reason I reacted the way I did was a suspicion it's supposed to be this way, and that's why it is. That's what I was meant with the Tree of Knowledge quip.

Ouza, it's a lot harder for understanding to come, whether or not the time is right, if I don't ask.


By Ouza Oct 5 2009 -

The time as you say was now and yes... but, it had to be reinforced with everyone else's input or most certainly Az's since his and Ish's are by far the most clearest picture of all! Or it would never have made a more clearer impact which would have even been worthwhile bringing about unless you hadn't have said something or even mentioned it!

Scratch surely, I meant no harm, I just wanted to give you the wink wink.gif We are and always will be a Team !!! smile.gif This was fated to be talked about and clarified for us all by us all at this moment, in time because we are most certainly in need of a wake-up call! And of course, it's always important to ask... never ever doubt that!


Ouza


By Ellysium Oct 6 2009 -

Az, when you started talking about the Source as you see it and the Shadow as the "first" race, I had an interesting memory. I could see myself there, at the"beginning." A swirling mass of whispy white light; pure power and consciousness. I did not feel like I was part of the Shadow. But I was there, simply observing.


By Azaz'el Oct 6 2009 -

Ooh, now there's an interesting memory to have and a wonderful puzzle to solve. How did you manage to see that? Unless it was a beginning of just this Universe. Any way you can chanse that memory to discover more?

Az


By Ouza Oct 6 2009 -

I'm going to use a word here that, I think has already been coined and used before but fits quite well for the here and now!

Syncronicity

Ouza


By Ellysium Oct 8 2009 -

So far I haven't been able to remember anything more than I did originally. But there were a few details I didn't mention before.

It felt like the beginning, in a sense. Can't really say which beginning (if there are more than one), or during what time this might have been, but everything around that mass of light was simply black and empty, like space but empty of stars. But it didn't feel like it stretched out for eons as space does now. It felt more like there was a big, black, curving wall, that seemed like it encircled the universe. The wall wasn't solid, more vaporous and ethereal, and I think it became thicker and thicker as you move out. The mass of light was near this wall, and there was empty blackness that stretched out of view. Although it all looked empty, it felt like there might be something else out of view of my vision, possibly the Shadow.
I have no idea when this mass of light/consciousness came into being. And although, in the vision, I was looking at it from a distance, I felt like I was this light. I also got the sense that this light didn't really do anything at first, just sortof sat there and observed for quite some time.


By Ouza Oct 8 2009 -

Corrected by Ouza 10/8 11:27:58am local time:

Did you feel as, if you were both inside and/or outside of the bubble/bubbles or just as a separate observer altogether with purpose or no purpose of being? Or were you all the whole kit and caboodle, so to speak?

And was it conscious of you or you conscious of, it or were you just being the whole consciousness by itself?

Did you feel in control or out of control just as an observer would beonly being allowed to watch in order to learn and just be without participation of any kind?

Describe the shades of black and white or the colors if applicable! Tell me what you felt or even didn't feet like---feelings and emotions, taste, smell, sounds<---take them all into consideration?

Did you feel like it was a progression or regression thing (was there first a cause for purpose and an intended reason for final effect?

Ouza