More Painful Memories

These memories are rather intense, fair warning, and there's a part that occurred after the instance i remembered that kind of ties into my current views, a different memory that i'll write about right after i write this. Stay Tuned!

Anyway, this particular memory hails from the time directly after the death of my son. Long story short regarding how that came about, i had a brief sojourn in the realms of the Demons, ruled over then and now by Mephistopheles and his children. well, i ended up meeting one of them, and we sort of hit it off, and after i returned, i found he'd followed me, and had disguised himself as something else so he wouldn't be slain on sight. our kind weren't on friendly terms. anyway, we had a child, and for six years, things were good. we had a good setup, then somehow things went bad.... someone found out, and sent someone to kill him... i don't know who they are, because things from that time are slowly restoring themselves right now, and there was significant damage to my mind. Whoever it was that did this deed not only killed him, but tore my son's soul apart, rendered it into the raw material souls are made from. he ERASED him, and killed my mate, though he tore a few of the Shadow who stole our son apart. heh, that's a demon for you, though.

anyway, as soon as the event happened, my mind was broken, shattered. i was a wreck, sobbing on the barren patch of earth that our house had stood, twisting and flinging myself between grief and rage, cursing myself and everyone else, cursing my plans, cursing everything and weeping over my loss, before for some reason, i just wandered out into the desert. i don't know for how long, but i met someone. he offered his hand, and i took it. the next bit of memories i have are of passing days in a bright white place... there was a lot of sunlight, and open windows, without bars. the room i remembered was bare, save a bed and a basin for washing my face. i wasn't the only person there, there were lots of us, wandering about, but the thing i found most interesting was that during this time, i had no wings. i couldn't summon them, i had no power to perform magic or spells, rituals or energy work, i just felt peace. there was a feeling about the place, like compassion. i have no idea how, i don't recall talking to anyone, but we managed to heal ourselves, our hearts and minds slowly repairing themselves over our stay. after that, i woke up in the rain, with the same person i met in the desert standing over me. from there, i think i remember wandering back to the library, with no memory of the tragedy.

after this memory resurfaced, i began to feel something odd.... almost like an echo of that torrential pain i felt all that long ago. of course, in real life i had been sobbing and cursing under my breath, acting it out as that helped me go with the memory. i turned and saw something there, in the room beside me, though it was more like i saw into someplace else. the earth was blasted, dry and cracked, and in the background, there were stark black and jagged mountains, made of volcanic rock. the sky was clouded over with smog and ash, and i could see one of them was drooling molten rock and lava, but the sky was otherwise that pale bluish white of a desert sky. but standing there before me was someone, a man taller than i was, and he was crying too, and i want to say they were molten orange like the lava back beyond him on that volcano.

his eyes were bloodshot and glowing that same orange, ringed with red. his hair was windblown, short and wild, an ashen grey interspersed with muted, dusty red. his skin, meanwhile, was a dark, flat black color, like actually black, not dark dark dark brown, but black. i'm fairly certain he was naked, and as he stood there, huffing and puffing from the intense emotions, i could see his teeth were yellowed and pointed, but otherwise quite like a human's. i couldn't explain it, but i reached out and took hold of him. i felt i needed to, even though it must have looked strange, standing there grasping at empty air in my room. i could only think of comforting this person, and i knew he had felt and experienced exactly what i had just seen. i spoke to him, i tried to ask him his name, but it was like speaking from far away, i couldn't quite hear him. he knew what i knew, and i don't know what i did, but as i held him, i sort of... pushed into him. he did the same to me, and i felt it, and i could see black, angular lines crawling up my arms and chest, in organized designs. white ones began appearing on him, similar to mine, and even now i can see him, heading towards that mountain for some reason. i'm guessing he's carrying something out on his end. but all i know is we're starting to act together.... he agrees with me, he knows my thoughts, my memories. feel free to share your thoughts, i know it's likely crazy, but i'm going to see where this goes.