ARCHIVE: Memories or Stange Repetitive Delusions, I'm open to interpretation.

By Angelyn Jan 10 2009 -

Theses are all fragmented, I know I'm missing major pieces but can't seem to grasp them. I've posted this on other forums, but it's rung (is that a word?) no bells for anyone except one person who is close to me. What I do have is from repetitive vision like dreams where I'm not quite awake of asleep and from meditative automatic writing. So who knows. But this is the general gist of how I was banished from somewhere to presumably here.




I am in a white marble room. Pillars form a circle I cannot see behind, but shadowy robed figures walk the halls. Steps in the center of the room lead to the circular well of a quicksilver like substance. It is the essence. A woman stands in front of me, her robe blue shot through with silver threads. The hood conceals her sunlit hair, hair a lighter red then mine. No words are spoken, but her eyes, the same quicksilver of the essence, convey volumes. Disappointment, regret, sadness and anger. And though I did not see it, a flicker of pride. The woman in front of me is The High Priestess of the temple, secretly my mother but few know that. But it is not the mother of my flesh that stands in front of me now, but the one of my soul. I should kneel, but my defiance has gotten so strong as to not allow it. The woman who bore me is no longer here, I face the Avatar now and I have broken The Law.
I ventured into the depths of the shadow lands, drawn by my own dueling nature . And I, a daughter of the highest temple in Alauria have given my heart to one of it’s denizens. They should have left me in Merridia to be raised by my fathers court. I stand, prideful and remorseless, my own eyes blazing with blue green flames.
My nature will not deny my heart and I will not meekly accept punishment for loving, as my mother had done, unwisely. I was born of light and dark due to her folly, sent to the dark so as not to shame the temple. I do not know my fate, nor do I care. The may have found a way to separate us now, but we have loved more deeply then my soul had believed possible.




I’m in a forest, riding a white mare. The ground is blanked with needles, muffling the sound of our steps and light flicker haphazardly within the trees. We are close to the veil. The breeze sings a melody of sensations across my skin, caressing through the blood red of my hair. I see him waiting at the ruins. The depthless sapphire of his eyes come to light when he takes my hand to help me down from Genevieve. He holds me so tenderly. Tells me I’m his only light, the star that shines his way. I sense no deceit in him. A terrible darkness, yes, but one that mirrors the darkness bequeathed to me by my fathers blood. We are disobeying all to be together, and risking all. But as we sink to the forest floor the universe disappears. The Gods, our kin, our duties all be damned. Our love will survive. No matter what has been said, this is not our final farewell.



Standing in the torrent, the aqua water stretches endlessly, sun sparkling like diamonds in the waves. But inside my psyche a dark and vengeful storm rages. It’s all a prison, this shell, this world. The balance has been upset and the light within my flickers wildly in the torrents of the storm. My vision swims with blood and all goes black. I killed my body in that tower, the stiletto finding my heart as surely as it had the heart of the Paige that had brought the message of my banishment. I die before I let them send me away. I underestimate their powers.



I am beyond the veil now. Banished to this land of mundane savages. Their blood warms me, the slender blade wet and slippery. Metallic dripping metallic. I rage at the Gods and I take that rage out upon their treasured toys.





My mother had loved a King of Merridia, the dark city. Their affair was brief and tempestuous, resulting in my birth. A woman of her station and lineage could not rare a half breed darkling So at birth I was sent to my fathers court to be raised. I have no memories of my father, but I had a slightly older half sister, Synna. She was my best friend and playmate. My defender when the other children taunted me for my fiery hair and ocean eyes. I had a nursemaid, the only other Alaurian in the court. In young childhood my eyes began to shirt colors, the mark of the temple. My mother was notified by the nursemaid and I was returned to the temple. I didn’t want to go. Nobody could understand how a Halfling could be marked, and I don’t recall the story that was told to explain my existence. My father was left unknown and my mother know only to a select few.


By Angelyn Jan 10 2009 -

Um, as a post note- I don't consider myself evil at all, just dual. And I'm pretty sure I'm over the urge to kill humans, at least for the most part. I haven't done it in this life anyway wink.gif


By Scratch Jan 16 2009 -

This only rang one bell for me, but it was a resounding one.

One of the first intuitions that made any sense to me was that there was once a dark city. I couldn't remember its name (after reading your post I want to call it Merridan - I don't know why the discrepancy), and trying to think of it only brings tall brooding outlines of a moonlit stone citadel, but it was an originating place, and something destroyed it. The inhabitants were not only scattered, but something had happened or been done to them to destroy even the memory of the place and life within its walls. One of the first names I used for those I sense something different about was Children of the Dark City. At times I meet people with whom there is a silent acknowledgement, like two long-time travelers with the same birthplace.

I think part of it was a need for solidarity: I have a sort of mentor who has helped me awaken and given very good advice, but is convinced he, and now I, are the only ones. I refused to believe it, and those glimmers of recognition gave me hope. However, there was and is a call to gather and rebuild the dark city, as a meeting place, and a sanctuary.

Thanks for sharing Angelyn. Nothing in there sounded evil to me.


By Azaz'el Jan 16 2009 -

The whit emarble room does sound familiar, but I think this could be the style of the room and the memories that many of us have of the white room with pillars rather than this specific room. And the red haired priestess has cropped up so many times, as I also have known her in one of my lives and have had my world destroyed by her command.

She is powerful yet she too was deceived and was misled, as were we all.

Az


By Angelyn Jan 17 2009 -

Lan'ai was my mother's name, I believe, at least during the time I was with her. I get glimpses here and there, but when I try any type of journeying or meditation on it I get bad migraines and my kitten starts to cry (he doesn't do that with any other type of meditation). Does anyone know any ways around this block?


By Angelyn Jan 17 2009 -

QUOTE (Azaz'el @ Jan 16 2009, 06:50 PM)
"And the red haired priestess has cropped up so many times, as I also have known her in one of my lives and have had my world destroyed by her command.

She is powerful yet she too was deceived and was misled, as were we all.

Az"

I am truly sorry about your world. She was/ (is?) hot tempered yes, but I don't feel her to be "bad". She was very passionate and distant, but I feel she would have been a better mother if she had been permitted. She was proud of me following my heart wherever it lead, I know that now.

And the pillared room, it had one thing that made it, I think, unique. In the center was a depth less (so I was told) well of the "essence" , a quicksilver like substance.


By Ishtahar Jan 23 2009 -

Your story was very powerful and touched some sore places. That's good though. There's nothing like poking a bruise to make you sit up and take notice.

The red haired priestess was in no way evil... she always did what she thought was rigth... and she always had trouble with children. But she was strong and strong women have always had a price to pay. She did her best


By Angelyn Jan 23 2009 -

Thank you, it's reassuring to have that confirmed. I wish I could have noticed the small ways she secretly tried to reach out to me before it was too late. Who knows... maybe there will come a time we meet again. Preferably on the same side.

By the way, if anyone ever wants to talk I'm MagickAngel152 @ yahoo, AIM